i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
True college students do jello shots in the library
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