so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
