don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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