Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
