just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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