theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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