He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
