I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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