I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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