He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
