Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
