nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
