I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
