It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
