i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
