I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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