Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
