Your face is a jimmy john
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
