Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
