I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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