Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
