he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
