so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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