And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize