So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
