do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
