youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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