he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
