This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
