If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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