vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
