She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
