Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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