she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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