you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
