I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
