why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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