i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
