it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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