dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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