i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
