so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
