Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize