she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
