spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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