get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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