Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
