We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
