Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
