I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
