Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
