Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
