I CAN MOONWALK!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
