btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
