I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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