I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Enjoy the penises
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
