My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
