If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
