brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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