my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
