my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
