you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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