The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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