I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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