Im at strip club and am horny
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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