I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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