her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
