Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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