I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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