I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
