Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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