I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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