He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
