Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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