I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
