The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
