Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
