Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
