is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
