it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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