ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
