the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize