and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
