I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
