I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
NoShamevember. You game?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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