Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
