I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and she was petting her beer can
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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