I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
