stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
